Gently offered solutions
A few years ago, as I was scrolling through social media, I saw a meme generated by a prominent thinker and author. It was a simple meme with the text in Comic Sans font.
For years and years, I have heard people criticize that font as not being professional and, further, criticizing people who use the font as dummies. Although I had no particular use for Comic Sans, I was also frustrated with the “font elites” who were taking up so much space complaining about it.
The first comment on the meme was from a woman in Arkansas who wrote, “This is probably a good quote but my brain can’t process anything in that font.”
Immediately, I took her to be one of “those” people who was a Comic Sans hater. I could feel my anger rising.
But the next comment was from an old friend who is not afraid to take on bad behavior online. Eager to see her put the critic in her place, I was surprised when she simply replied, “Let’s see if this helps.” She retyped the text of the meme in a plain font. No attitude, no accusation. Just kindness.
I then realized that one of the problems with the font could be its readability for some folks.1 But even if it wasn’t the issue, my friend gently offered a solution.
A gently offered solution.
As I think back, I can see that my friend followed a path of kindness:
She listened to the complaint and addressed the stated problem.
She didn’t react negatively, but instead sought a way to address the problem neutrally without leaning into any particular position.
She offered to help. Delivered the help. And then allowed the solution the space to work.
You see, regardless of the intentions of seeming critics, an act of inclusion will most often set the mood for a more productive conversation. A snappy comeback almost always escalates the tension.
We’d all be in a better place if our efforts centered not on snappy comebacks, but on gently offered solutions.
Although I found no absolute answers, I did discover a mountain of opinions. Comic Sans, in different studies, ended up on both sides of the question with some people claiming that it was helpful for individuals dealing with dyslexia. Others claimed it was impossible to decipher. And then, there were those who sidestepped the question by tagging its lack of professional characteristics.
Solutions pollutions. If we have too many solutions, what are we going to do with no reason to jump up and down, flail wildly, moan and groan, and be argumentative?
Oh my gosh this is so true. Many of my clients have Autism and they just blurt out if something annoys them. Often it is about me and how I’m walking or talking and one guy found me “too hairy”. I try the “is this better” routine and give them grace. I figure this is the most self-advocacy they get in a life with so much control.