Respecting respect

Reclaiming the lost art of humility

It’s somewhat of a mystery. Throughout history, the persons who have profoundly influenced generations in positive ways are frequently recognized as humble people. Yet, in our Western cultures, we often rush to bestow leadership on those who are outspoken and driven by their perceptions of their own strengths.

That’s not to say that being humble and being outspoken are mutually exclusive characteristics. When choosing our leaders, we just tend to look to those who, in a glance, draw our attention because of physical attributes, vocality, or charisma.

It is usually in retrospect that we notice someone’s humility. In my experience, a person’s humbleness is a significant determinant of whether or not they are someone I respect.

The word “respect” comes from two roots: (1) “re” meaning to repeat, and (2) “spect” meaning to look. Thus, respect is heightened when we pause to “look again” at someone else. The ability to respect someone flows from a humble viewpoint.

A humble person won’t ignore someone else. Nor will they automatically assume superiority over another’s thoughts, beliefs, or practices. They look again. They invest in seeing and hearing the perspectives of others.

In other words, they respect the folks who surround them and who comprise their community. Humble people lean toward service and peaceful interactions. They have an outward mindset — placing the needs of others on an equal or superior level to their own.

Growing up, I often heard older generations despair over the loss of respect among the younger folk. Occasionally, I feel that same crankiness creep into my outlook.

The thing is, respect can be taught and exemplified. It’s a matter of claiming the power of a pause to look again at a person and to ask ourselves about their motivations, to give the benefit of a doubt, and to engage their viewpoint with curiosity with a hope for better understanding. That’s respect.

It doesn’t require that we change our own positions, although that could happen. What respect does is build common ground and allow continued relationship.

Much has been said about the unlikely friendship between Supreme Court justices Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Antonin Scalia. Their approaches to constitutional interpretation were very different and they often ended up on opposite sides of a legal opinion. But they respected each other. Their conversations never suffered. And I have no doubt that they learned from each other.

Respect allows that to happen.

A lack of respect pushes people apart. The current polarity among the American people is largely driven by a lack of respect. We rarely hear of anything coming out of our political leadership that is bipartisan. As a result, we are seeing the increasing inability of our elected leaders to advance us as a society formed for the common good.

Respect flows beyond just our one-on-one relationships. When we struggle to have respect for the person directly in front of us, we began to lose respect for anyone who is distant or different. Tragically, the natural progression of such an attitude is the exclusion of entire groups of people.

The way back from exclusion and mistreatment of others begins with our respect of others close by. As respect grows among family members, neighbors, and community populations, we regain our humanity. We weren’t created to be exclusive. We were made to live and work together. We were destined to be respectful.

Whenever possible, show respect. Look again.